Summer of '88
by nobloodnofoul
Summary: Edward Cullen tells the story about how he woo’d his lady love in 1988. He got a little obsessed, became a little stalkerish, and developed a voyeur fetish. In the end though, he succeeded.Oneshot.AH. Age of Edward Contest. Rated M for language and secks.


**Age of Edward Contest**

**Title: Summer of '88**

**Your pen name: nobloodnofoul**

**Type of Edward: 1980's Edward**

**If you would like to see all the stories that are a part of this contest visit: The Age of Edward C2 Community:  
http://www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/community/The_Age_of_Edward_Contest/70125/**

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Hi, Edward Cullen here. Yeah, I know, "he's _so_ fucking hot", get it out of your system now. I have a story to tell. So, you know me right now - all old, respectable and shit. I'm engaged, I'm successful. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I talk like a gentleman; I'm polite and reserved. I want to gag. Honestly, do you really think that under this visage of tall, pale white, and handsome that I'm not a deviant? Please.

This story is instrumental to understanding the _real_ Edward Cullen. Not the hotshot businessman with the wicked, brunette beauty on his arm. Not the dutiful son and scholar that almost everyone knows. I'm not really _that_ sex icon all my peers make me out to be. See the thing about me is all that shit they talk, is exactly that. Shit.

No, I never had a girlfriend when I was in middle school. I didn't date in high school. I never fucked girls under the bleachers and I never got head from any of them. All myth. In fact, I didn't see a _real_ naked girl until my first year of college. And that was still back at home, not actually _at_ college. No, the boring life of Edward Cullen is a mystery to all but one.

Remember the wicked brunette? Yeah, she knows. Bella. Oh my Bella; so sweet, so refined, so beautifully evil. She's a witch. She will suck you in with her black magic and spit you out. Be warned. I am her minion and I will without a doubt fight to the death for her. I mean, shit, if this story isn't considered doing just that, I don't know what the fuck you want from me.

But I'm getting sidetracked; I was going to tell you a story. So, sit back, grab a drink, get comfy, cause this shit is going to take a minute. I suggest if any of you need to use the bathroom, you do so now. Also, this is going to get a little perverted so some form of towel or moisty nap would probably be a good idea. A clean pervert is a happy pervert. Remember that.

Anyway, like with all stories, you need the back story to understand what's really going on. So, let me think….where to start…where to start?

I guess at the beginning.

Edward Cullen, that's me, was born July 20, 1969. (Go ahead and laugh, I do.) He was a stunning child, strong and manly even from birth. He had a six pack as he came out of his mother's womb and all the nurses fainted on sight at the obvious head of thick, red, sex hair that his five-minute old self was sporting…you're not interested in any of this are you? Fine, I'll skip it and pretend I'm not insulted that you don't want to know more about me. Whores.

Anyway, I was born in '69 and my parents, Carlisle and Esme, moved when I was like…five months old to this shitty little town called Forks. I call it shitty because town wise, it was. Only later on in life would I appreciate what Forks had to offer. See that, I'm building anticipation. You're anticipating it aren't you? Good.

The worst thing in my existence happened after I turned one. It was horrible. It stunted me for life. I was never again the same. Forget that I was only a year old, forget that I couldn't hold down solid food yet, forget that I couldn't even speak but was still charming the panties off all the women around me. My life had taken a nosedive before it ever had a chance to start. I mean, think of every horrible thing that has ever happened to you EVER and then ball that up into one singular event that just decimates you. That's right. It was that bad. I was Hiroshima and the bomb had dropped. I would forever be changed. I would forever be haunted. And my parents? They enjoyed it. They LOVED IT. They basked in it. Because on April 25, 1970, Alice Cullen was born.

Hell rejoiced. I cried.

Life continued on. At first, I didn't understand that Alice was evil. She was so cute and sweet and always laughing. Sounds really good right? Sounds like fun and happy times. And it was. Until Alice turned seven, and she discovered that her brother was a portal to boys. That was the opening she took. She wheedled her way into my guy activities and I hated her for it. My mother didn't help things.

_"Take Alice with you, Edward!"_

_"Alice is alone, Edward."_

_"Alice wants to play too, Edward."_

_"Be nice to your sister, Edward."_

_"Stop hitting your sister with a stick, Edward."_

I mean, c'mon! It was like Alice shit gold and I was always fucking up. I had to take her _everywhere_. She whined and she cried and she screamed and she stomped her tiny little feet. I actually wondered what juvie was like. If I had three square meals a day and yard time, I would gladly 'off' my sister if I could just get a little_ peace_.

Thank God for small favors. When Alice turned nine and my homicidal rage towards her was at its last stretch….poof. She disappeared.

Well, not completely…unfortunately. She was still alive and I still saw her every morning and night. But otherwise, she was gone; away from me, Emmett and Jasper. Far, far away.

What made Alice stray from her mission in life to destroy me, might you ask? Oh, but another one of Satan's cronies I tell you.

Enter into this little story would be the leading lady. One, Isabella Swan. Okay, so did you really think this was just a boring ass story about how Edward Cullen is built up of myths and legends? Or of how his sister almost ruined his childhood? While that story is good because it's still about me, it's not nearly as important as the story of _me_ and _Bella._ Isabella, or Bella, became best of friends with Alice when they were nine. Being younger, a girl, and Alice's friend was a triple threat for Bella. She was a disease that I had to avoid at all costs. Looking back on things now, I may have over reacted. Dumping a bucket of soap water on her was probably a little over the top but at the time seemed effective at disinfecting her before she entered the house.

Esme was not amused. I, however, was tickled pink. Yes, pink. Fuck you. I'm secure in my masculinity.

The year that they became cohorts in making my life suck, (because honestly, the peace only lasted _so_ long) was probably the worst year for Bella. Her father died. Charlie Swan, Chief of Police of Forks, died of a heart attack on May 15, 1979. Bella took it hard and even at the time of my life where girls were gross and wrong, I felt bad for her. Renee, Bella's mother, took it hard too but she took it hard in a different way. She packed up her stuff and left for the summer. Depositing Bella with my family, she went to visit her kin in Florida and came back a week before the school year started. My parents didn't mind. They loved Bella. She was really sad when it happened but I think she liked it better than going to Orlando, so no one really said much.

The thing was, it wasn't just a one time thing. Every fucking year when summer rolled around, Renee got the itch to leave Forks. Bella would stay with us. Now, over the years lots of things happened. Most prominently, we grew up. Summers were mostly the same. Between camps and sports and whatever girls did we passed the time. The Cullen house was a large one and there was plenty of space for everyone to move around. I wasn't one to brag (shut your dirty mouth) but we had money.

A three story house, secluded in the woods next to a stream was an ideal place to grow up. My parents occupied the room downstairs, Alice and I were at opposite sides of the house on the second story and between us were two guest rooms, and on the third floor there was a music room and play room. It was a huge house and that's not taking into account the living areas, patios, pool, and den. The basement was a game room. We were loaded. I won't even try to sound modest now. We were insanely rich. That happens when your dad is a cardiologist.

So, back on track. We're going to get to the main event. The summer of 1988.

The summer of 1988 was just an ordinary summer. I was coming back to Forks from my first semester at NYU. I was going to become a businessman. Stocks always intrigued me. That and I wanted to be filthy rich, I won't lie. I came home expecting the big welcoming party and all that. Never happened.

Fuckers didn't appreciate me like they should have.

Instead of a party where strippers burst from a cake and hot, scantily clad women roamed my yard, my parents were gone to Seattle. Alice was out with Jasper (what force on earth ever compelled him into the banshee's arms, I'll never know) and the house was silent.

Okay, so before we _really_ get into this story, I need to say a few things. There is a time in a man's life where he will see a woman naked, _on accident _and it will change him forever. Usually, it's his family. Which is gross. Yes, it happens to us all. All males eventually make the mistake of walking into a bathroom or a bedroom without knocking and see something just….naked. It could be your sister, your mother, an aunt, or god forbid, your grandmother. I'm shuddering and you should too, get it out of your system now. But on occasion, when the man is extremely lucky, or good looking, or awesomely smart, or just so talented that women swoon states away without even seeing him (like me), he gets a glimpse of non-family nakedness.

Well either way, this experience will change you for life. If you're a poor unlucky bastard, you see your family member. It will scar you; you will end up homeless, and die alone. If you're lucky, then you see someone non-family related. And angels sing.

Back to it though. I walked into the house, hearing _nothing_ and felt extremely put out that my family hadn't bothered to throw me the hooker party. Trudging upstairs to my room, I tossed my bags down and fell against the bed, wondering where the hell everyone was. Having not used the bathroom since the airport, I lifted myself up and wandered into my bathroom before realizing I had no toilet paper. That pissed me off even more. No hookers and now no TP. Sighing heavily, I made my way to the hallway bathroom. The door was closed but that's not unusual as no one ever uses it. I grabbed the knob and pushed the door open quickly, really needing to pee, and stopped dead in my tracks.

My body went stiff immediately. Everywhere. I mean, _everywhere…_you know (gestures to crotch)_._ My eyes popped open as wide as they would go, my neck tensed, my back locked and my cock sprang to life so fast I thought I might have sprained it. My balls suddenly turned a color close to magenta as I curled my toes tightly in my worn leather boots. The buttons on my jeans pressed painfully against the top of my dick as my heart thundered in my ears. I was on fire. My face was red and I couldn't…it was impossible for me to…I just _had_ to keep looking.

Now, I'm sure you want to know what made me react like that. I'm getting to it. Fucking perverts.

Bella. Bella was naked. She was nekked. She was without clothes. No pants, no shirt, no panties, no bra, nothing, nada, zilch, zip. Bare as the day she was born; nothing but pale, white, smooth skin. And oh my sweet Jesus in a crib, surrounded by animals, was her skin magnificent. Her face flushed red and she screeched at the top of her lungs but I couldn't stop.

I was frozen stiff. STIFF!

I trailed my eyes down from her collar bones to those lushy, swelling, firm, perky breasts that were just the right size to be large but not too large on her slender frame. They seemed heavy to look at, a soft curve below the nipples and I wanted to just run my lips over the swell beneath her breasts. Kiss away the burden of gravity upon them. My eyes trailed to the soft, flat expanse of her pale tummy and those hips. Mother Mary, those hips that were nothing like anything I had ever seen in a Playboy. Those round, wide, hips, the bones just begging to be licked. But between those hips, that little circle of belly button and then down…down….and I think I actually came a little. She was fucking _bare._ Not a stitch of hair. No-th-ing. _No hair, no hair, no hair!_ That's all my addled mind could repeat. A smooth cleft of flesh where that sweet pussy was not hiding. Yep, definitely came a little.

I glided my eyes down to her thighs; I could imagine my hands wrapping around them and my fingers overlapping. She had that space between her legs, that gap that made you wonder if it would still be there when she bent over. Then, oh God, then she turned around. And you could bounce a dime off her ass. Seriously, best ass I have ever seen. And that is saying _a lot_ considering I collected Playboys and Hustlers. I still have them. I won't say where, 'cause 'you know who' would make me throw them out. But yeah, I still got 'em and no, her ass is still better.

I wasn't done looking or eye fucking her for that matter, but she yanked a peach colored towel around her body and that broke my concentration and made my cock cry a little. I then noticed that she had not stopped yelling and the noises were actually starting to make sense.

"GET THE FUCK OUT! What the hell, Edward?! Don't you fucking _knock?!"_

"I….shit…I'm sorry. Um, I had to use the bathroom…no toilet paper…gotta pee….I…you…when did…?" I had no idea how to handle this situation, as you probably gather.

For the first time in my life, I had actually seen boobs. I had seen them in real life - not in a magazine, not on a poster in my dorm mate's room; in real fucking life people. First set of hooters to ever be in the same room as me - naked, well kinda, same room I was half standing in, barging in, whatever, you get it. So what does a desperate man do? What was separating me from those delicious tata's? Three fucking feet of space and a fuzzy peach towel. That's what.

So, I asked what was on my mind. Because the only head that had enough blood in it to function wasn't the one I should have been using, I blurted out the first thing I could think of.

"Can I see that again?"

She screamed and pushed me out of the bathroom and slammed the door shut. I stood shell shocked in the hallway and realized that I still had to pee and I still didn't have any toilet paper and now I had a massively hard cock.

**

So, she jumped into bed with me, we had hot sex listening to R.E.M and Chicago and a little Sinead O'Connor thrown in for good measure. Alright, you caught me. It didn't happen like that. But God, do I wish it did. No, we didn't make love into the early hours of morning. There were no cherubs weeping at the beauty of our coupling. There was no symphony playing as I defiled her…and myself. There was just Edward Cullen wacking himself off in his room, alone with his eyes pressed shut so tightly as to preserve the image of a naked, damp, Bella in the guest bathroom. Oh it didn't take long at all. Not at all. In fact, if I hadn't already attested to the glory that is Bella Bare, I would be ashamed to admit how fast I popped one off. But no, she was glorious and I was proud to say it only took me a few seconds to achieve relief.

After that act happened I resolved to myself that the next time I did that, I wouldn't be alone…er...well, I mean, I would be alone if I were doing _that._ What I meant was, I wouldn't be doing that, I would be doing something else. Right, no masturbating, just doing of Bella.

Truthfully, she ignored me. I waited, impatiently, each and every fucking day. The big-ass pink elephant in my mind stomped all over any logic I had. Suddenly, everything reminded me of Bella's naked body. Everything reminded me of her pillow boobies and her luscious child bearing hips and that pretty pale bare patch of flesh between her legs.

When I did manage to be graced by her magnificent presence…I was deterred. By clothing. Fucking clothing. Those acid washed jeans, her layered on tops. Even her fucking earrings seemed to piss me off. Her Keds angered me, as I couldn't see those cute little toes flexing about. I was a man distraught. I had been shown heaven only to be thrown back into the mortal pits of hell that is Fork, Washington. That right kiddies, no boobies. At all…there wasn't even any cleve!

I might as well get this little gem of information off my chest now. Seeing as you're going to figure it out sooner or later and you might have already guessed it. I, Edward Cullen (I always say my name with a wink) at twenty years of age, Sex God, eighties hair icon, musical genius, scholarly Einstein that I am, was a virgin. Shocked? I know! This little bit of information deserves background.

When Alice and I were little, I believe around the ages of five and six (before she got satanically annoying), were actually very close. Me, being a year older than her, took the role of protector. So one day while I'm riding to school with my sister Mike Newton decides to make fun of me for sitting with my sibling (when I say make fun, I mean he pushed me into the bus stop sign. I firmly argue that I was having an off day, I could totally take him now)…and what does Alice do? She cocks her little fist back and plants it right in Mike's face.

Our parents weren't upset, because as I said, Alice shits gold. So, what happens not three weeks later? Tanya DeBurgh pulls my sisters hair during recess. She yanked hard too, like I'm almost positive that actual hair came away with her little fat fist. Sooooo, I hit her. I mean, shit, Alice did the same thing and our parents were so fucking proud of her.

Apparently, boys are never allowed to hit girls. No matter how much of a chubby faced bitch they are. (Tanya's still walking around like an overstuffed German sausage by the way. She never lost that 'baby fat'.) I was yelled at, grounded, almost suspended from school. From that moment on, I had declared that girls were evil, satanic, and manipulative in general. They brought only death and destruction and were the only way I was ever separated from my Nintendo. You can share in my horror then. You understand why I couldn't possibly bring myself to actually purposefully converse with this species that had inflicted so much damage upon my undeveloped psyche. Ergo, my iron clad reason for remaining a virgin until I was twenty. There, amazing isn't it?

Back to the story at hand. It had been weeks, _weeks,_ since I had a good view of those love balloons and I needed another peek. I needed another view. I needed to see it all. Not that what I could see was bad; Bella had fucking blossomed. She did NOT look like this when I left for NYU. If she did, I would have never left. I would have kidnapped her and secluded us away where I could just look at her and sigh. Again, fuck you. Men sigh.

So, my problem? No more nakie Bella. My solution? Well, this is where the story _really_ starts. I was going to get another look at her naked if it killed me. I was going to woo said damsel and have her practically ripping her clothes of for me to feast my gorgeous green eyes upon.

Okay, so another problem? I've never wooed anyone. Ever. I've never taken a real interest in girls. Yeah, I went to prom and I took a date, did I remember her name? No. Did I even ask her? No. But I went, cause it made Esme happy and that's what everyone expected me to do. Before you say shit, no I'm not gay, I was never gay, I have always liked boobs and vaginas and never have I ever had any homo-erotic dreams…ever.

I was in uncharted territory. But c'mon how hard could it be? I'm Edward Cullen, remember how they swoon states away? Well shit, Bella was right down the hall. Shouldn't be too hard right? Wrong. Girl has a will of steel and clothes with more buttons and zippers than I even imagine finding let alone undoing.

Fucking Madonna. She started all that bangle shit and all that wearing five different shirts. But God bless her for the lacy black underwear. Yes, Madonna, I worship at your shrine. Again! Fuck you! Guys can like Madonna too, if only for the reason that she's hot. But seriously, those vests….what the hell?

But again, I get off topic. So, here's the deal. I was technically flying blind but I was convinced that with my stellar good looks, my bitchin' hair and my snazzy Polo's, jeans and very professional looking khaki slacks, I could win her over. I knew I needed to bring my A game but really, this was Bella. This was the girl that hung out with my sister each and every single day and spent the _entire_ summer in my own home. I had to do _something_ right. Right?

I basically laid in bed for a week thinking of how to put this into action. I really just wanted to see her naked again. So, I did what worked before. I stalked the guest bathroom. And I failed at that, miserably. She was _never_ in there again. After two weeks I was feeling pretty desolate until one morning, I woke up early from a painfully hard erection. I knew right then, that my cock had transformed into a divining rod and the 'water' as it were, was Bella's exposed body. I sprang up and let my dick guide me and sure enough I heard the shower turn off in the guest bathroom.

Unfortunately, the door was fucking locked. So, I sat against the hallway wall waiting for her to appear. Would she be in just a towel? Her underwear? Certainly she wouldn't be naked, I knew for sure I wouldn't be that lucky. But I was trumped once again as the door flew open and a fully clothed Bella stepped out. She looked at me in shock at my close proximity to her in the hallway. I'm sure she was a little concerned as well that I was basically sitting out here waiting for her.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I needed to use the bathroom."

"You have your own."

"This one is better."

"Whatever, Edward."

And with that she turned on her heel and left. I stuck my head in the bathroom and breathed in the humid air, not caring that I looked like some freak. I smiled and was relieved to know that I was close to her naked. The door may have stopped me but a plan was forming in my deviant mind. Of course, before I implemented said plan, I should do the gentlemanly thing and offer her an easy way out first.

I showered and shaved, then dressed up nicely like I was going to church. And really, seeing Bella naked was a lot like church if you think about it. I was prepared to worship at her undressed altar. The most sacred of all holy sights were her perfect breasts, her hourglass figure. The most pure, the most…feminine form I had ever encountered was in the same fucking house and by God I was going to worship it.

I went in search of her but found nothing. Not in the house, not in the yard, nowhere. Where the hell could she have gone? I peeked into her room, Alice's room…hell I even looked under my parent's bed. Nothing, she was gone. And I was pissed. I had plans fuck dammit! I had a sure fire way to get that skin to see light!

I gave up again around five. It seems there are only so many places you can check in your own home and get nothing repeatedly before it sinks in that its just not there. I did what I needed to however and I spanked one out thinking about the hot nakedness from weeks prior. It worked, but not as well as it had the first few times I went at it. I _needed _a refresher. I needed another view at that fucktastically awesome body.

I scored big on a Friday morning. I actually managed to get up before Bella. It was time to play dirty. Since she was obviously avoiding me (because lets face it, she knew about her demise at the hands of my seduction skills; she was afraid) and I was going to _have_ to play dirty. I crept into the bathroom and took all the towels on the rack, praying she wouldn't notice and just get in the shower. Slinking back into my room, I shut the door and waited. Sure enough, I heard her door open and the bathroom door close. I smiled an evil, sadistic smile when I heard the shower turn on straight away and clapped my hands. Manly clapping that is. Deep booming clapping. Fuck it, I might have done a little dance and spinned some. In the mean time, I counted the minutes and finally when I heard the water turn off, I bolted into the hallway and leaned casually against the wall. After a few moments the door cracked open.

Holy shit. Her head popped out into the space of a foot and I saw that gloriously wet, naked, shiny shoulder come into view. Her hair was plastered to her skin and she was fucking glowing from the heat of the water. I swallowed dryly and looked into her eyes.

"You little shit." Was that…_awe_ in her voice? Yes, I do believe it was.

"Can you get me a towel, please?"

"That's it? Please?"

"What else do you want, Edward?"

"You know…." I motioned towards the door and she glared at me. I decided to back down. If she was pissed there was no way she was going to let me see her melons. I practically skipped to the closet and pulled out a hand towel. I never said I would make it easy on her. Grinning evilly, I walked back the closed door and knocked. A second later it opened and I gaped in stunned silence.

A fully dressed Bella walked out, and smiled at me before going right into her room and shutting the door. No, NO! Dammit, this was not happening…shit. She obviously had enough time to run to her room and get a towel of her own. Dammit! Shit! Fuck! I clutched the small towel, consoling it as surely as _I _needed consoling. We were both gyp'd of the glory that is Bella Swan au natural. However, in that moment I was not to be deterred. I was going to get to see that shit dammit. I stormed into her room and saw her tying her Keds on. She arched an eyebrow at me as if to say 'What the hell do you want you perverted freak?'

"You can't do this to me."

"What are you talking about?"

"You can't let me see you naked and then take it away!"

"I didn't _let_ you see me naked! You walked in on me!"

"But…that doesn't change the fact that it happened. Please? Just one more time!"

"Ugh, no, go away!"

She slipped past me and again, I searched but turned up short. She was good at that shit.

Later on that day I finally caught up with her in the kitchen. She was cutting apples. I came up behind her and put my hands on her shoulders. She jumped and screeched, whirling on me and glaring.

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?!"

"I just wanted to say hi."

"You grabbed me!"

"Well…ummm…wanna watch some TV?"

"No! I'm making a pie."

"I'll help then."

"I don't want your help."

"Well….after you get done wanna hang out?"

"No, Edward. You are not seeing me naked again."

Well damn. I didn't actually think she would come out and just say it. I mean, I know I would but for her to say it…it was kinda hot.

"Could you uh…say that again?"

"You are such a fucking pervert, you know that?"

"How am I a pervert? Because I see a beautiful woman naked and want to see her naked again?"

She turned this red grape color and then set down the knife (thank God) and walked out of the kitchen quickly. I watched her ass sway as she hit the stairs and began stomping up them. I promise you, you sweet delectable cheeks that I will be bouncing some dimes off you eventually.

Wistfully, I sighed and turned back to the kitchen. My plans were sucking hard and I needed to figure out what the hell I was doing with this. I was obsessed. I was on a mission. I _needed_ this shit like it was crack.

After the disaster in the kitchen, I managed to haunt the bathroom and sure enough I got a few glimpses of her, but never the boobies or the vagina. It sucks. Major Balls. And not my balls either. Which made it worse.

**

For the next two weeks I made it my mission in life to stalk that bathroom like a fucking panther circling a gazelle. And really it's a good analogy. I mean, Bella would be the gazelle…if the gazelle was about five-two with the perkiest C cup tits you ever saw and an ass that was carved out of mother natures select stock, the smoothest, softest skin on earth and wild hair that seemed to take flight in the breeze and waft its sweet scent into my nose and straight to my cock…

The fuck was I talking about? I was falling in love with this girl. With this new tidbit of information I realized just _seeing_ her naked wouldn't be enough. No, I wanted to _feel_ the naked. I wanted to become _one_ with the naked. I wanted to harmonize and zen with the naked. This must happen.

I began thinking of Bella in a new light. Of course! She was fucking awesome! She was always awesome but I never saw it because of Alice! Yes, this was Alice's fault. If not for her then I would have known of Bella's amazing nakedness earlier! I would have been with her sooner. The dark cloud of misery that is Alice Cullen had shadowed the amazing beauty of Bella and only now, without her lingering presence was I able to see the change in her. Which led me to a small, unimportant question…where the hell was my sister?

I threw off the curiosity of Beelzebub's whereabouts and made to find Bella once more. I had to let her know about my discovery. Surely she would feel awed and completely flattered that_ the_ Edward Cullen (wink) would be in love with her…right? I flew up the stairs and saw with infinite disappointment that her door was closed. I debated on whether or not to just open it and come in, maybe see some nakedness that way, or knock. Considering the newly developed love business, I would need to tread carefully. I knocked. She yelled and even if her exact words where "Go Away", I opened the door anyway.

I had never really been in here long enough to look around but Bella practically had her own room here. She had personal effects, pictures and posters on the walls, books on the shelves and clothes in the closet. No doubt the Anti-Christ had used her credit cards to purchase said clothes for Bella but whatever.

"Go. Away. Edward."

"We never hang out anymore, I just wanna spend some time with you!"

"We never hung out in the first place! You just want to see me naked again."

Well shit, she had me there. I bit my lip and cocked my head to the side, it didn't really matter what I did, I always looked good. I mean shit, Deities always look good right? All that glowy light and sparkles?

"Um, well…what are you reading?"

"A book, dumbass."

Ouch, that was harsh. Okay, so, she's going to play hard to get. I could work with that. She was just scared of the awesomeness that I am to behold. I had to set her mind at ease. Let her know I was interested. Then she would strip down and we could have naked sex.

"You look really pretty today. I like your…bracelets."

Bracelets were a safe option. If I'd said shirt I would be looking at her tits. If I'd said jeans I was looking at either her ass or her crotch, so…bracelets it was. She looked at me like I had grown an extra head and snorted. It was the cutest snort you had ever heard. It's probably what puppies and flower sounded like if they could snort. It was precious. I sighed, again.

Returning her attention to her book she promptly started to ignore me. I was starting to feel awkward and that shit just wasn't kosher. Edward Cullen does not get awkward. I was born without awkwardness.

I sat down beside her bed and picked up a random magazine on the floor and began to flip through it. National Geographic was full of interesting articles and pictures. Perhaps smarts was the way into Bella's panties…I mean heart.

Right as I was going to comment on the mating rituals of the Pink Monkey Bird (it's a real bird, look it up) the phone rang. I watched in horror as she reached for the green phone next to her bed and answered it. That melodically sweet voice ringing out a 'hello'. I held my breath and waited for the reply, straining my ears to hear whether it was a girl or a boy voice. She giggled and her fingers reached up to touch her hair. I set down the magazine, bastard didn't help me at all, and inched up on the bed, sitting on the edge and leaning toward her. She turned her glorious eyes to me and glared, scooting back against the headboard. I inched along with her, my fingers spreading out on the comforter and rubbing her toes. She yanked them away and settled down, I followed and touched her again. Even Bella's toes are spunk worthy if you didn't know. They're perfect in every way.

Once again she moved and I again followed until her feet were on the other side of the bed and I was sprawled out on my stomach, touching her ankles and marveling at the skin on her legs. So fucking soft, it was crazy. She started to giggle and I watched her holding the phone to her ear but she wasn't giggling at the person on the other line, she was giggling at me. I smiled my best mega-watt smile at her and she wiggled her feet, as if to stop me but not pulling away. Soon she started talking and I couldn't figure out if it was a man or a woman on the line with her but then…the unthinkable happened. She giggled and said…

"Sure, Friday sounds good, what time?"

Friday? What time? No, that sounds like date material…no. No one else was going to see the perfection of Bella's bodacious twins. No one else was going to lick the hips of joy. No one fucking else was going to do that.

"Um, Bella, the family is having…a family day on Friday, don't you remember?"

"Hold on a sec would you? Edward, go away."

"No, really…um, you see we were paired up together to…have a fun day. And you can't go out on Friday."

"Look, I'll you back Jess. Okay, bye. Look creep, nothing is happening on Friday. We've never had 'Family Fun Day' or whatever you're going on about. Now, leave me the fuck alone."

"Why won't you just spend some time with me?" I was actually whining now and it sounded awful. I mean, fuck! She had to be the most perfect creature on earth to get me, EDWARD FUCKING CULLEN to whine….to BEG.

"Because…no. Edward, you will never see me naked again. Just go away."

"I don't want to see you naked. Just spend time with me." Oh how easy the lies come out when you want something.

She squinted her eyes at me. Like I said, I was a desperate man. And desperate times call for desperate measure. So I pounced on her. Literally, launched myself at her body. She squealed (I already had a boner, but if I didn't that would have given me one) and I started to tickle. I mean I tickled like my life depended on it. Which it kinda did, cause if this shit didn't work and she didn't show me the promised land again, I would surely die.

We rolled around on her bed for close to ten minutes and she coulda gotten away if she wanted…alright, maybe not. But I like to think she could have. Finally, I was pinning her down onto the mattress and my face was planted firmly into her neck and I knew just a few inches lower and I could be experiencing Mario and Luigi (her breasts were named so for my mushroom that they wanted to eat and the box I wanted to bump) but I held fast because the aromatic flesh beneath my mouth was taunting me.

_'lick me, lick me, lick me…' _it chanted.

I started placing open mouthed kisses on her neck, from her shoulder to her ear and then under her chin. She went utterly still and then…she bucked. Hard. I was a kneecap away from joining a Church choir and singing soprano.

"What the hell?! Stop it!"

"Why? You just taste…fantastic. I mean, your skin…it's…I don't know…it's like nothing I've ever tasted before. Just a few more…"

"Stop! God! You are such a fucking pervert! Get off me!"

"No. If you want me off you, you have to give me a kiss…on the mouth."

She looked as if someone had punched her in the ovaries. I had her wrists tightly grasped between us just below her breasts. She huffed and rolled her eyes and then leaned up so fast I almost missed it but her soft satiny lips pressed against my own perfect mouth and she kissed me. Well, it lasted like a second, but shit, it was a kiss and she didn't vomit so we're all good.

"Let me go now."

My fingers uncurled and she squirmed out from under me. I raised my hand up to my mouth and grinned.

"You kissed me! You liked it, didn't you?"

Groaning, she hopped off the bed and out of the room before I could gather my senses.

Three things were clear to me from this point on. One, Bella Swan was in fact perfect in every way. Two, I needed to see her sans clothing again. And Three, I was in love with her.

Another fact that is obvious that I have always known is that I am awesome. You should remember that. Forever.

**

Another week passed. I lurked in the shadows waiting for an opportunity to get Bella alone and put her under some sort of spell. Never happened and honestly, she's the witch, not me. Esme and Carlisle were home all fucking week. Alice and Jasper made appearances sucking face. It should have bothered me, but it didn't considering I wanted to suck on more than Bella's face. (I just wiggled my eyebrows; I'm a stud when I do that too, you know.)

That Friday, after dad went back to work and mom went out to do….whatever mom's do and Alice and Jasper went to Seattle for the weekend, I was alone in the house. I decided to go for a drive and soon was just tooling around town in my Ferrari. Hey, Ferrari's are awesome. The owning of this car had nothing to do with my monetary standing in the community. Okay, maybe a little. It was a pretty badass rich kid car. I won't lie.

Anyway, so I'm toolin'…and what do I see in front of Harry's Diner? Bella and some douche. She was surrounded by mediocre people who didn't really stand out but she and that behemoth of a man were standing in the center of the diner and I had my eyes trained on her so hard I almost hit a pole. Stupid foreign steering system. I parked across the street all covert and shit. Well, as covert as someone can be in a Ferrari painted candy apple red and I slunk down in my seat watching them interact.

He was eyeing my candy bags with a little too much interest and like the sweet innocent person Bella is, she didn't even notice. Or maybe she did, but she was too nice to say anything. It couldn't possibly be because she enjoyed it.

He reached forward and tried to touch her hair, and I leaned forward and gripped the steering wheel so hard that my elbow hit the horn. Suddenly she whipped her head in my direction and glared. I think I actually felt a chill go down my spine but it was probably just the state of the art AC in my car making me shiver.

She said something to 'Mr, I'm a douchewad-assbag-son-of-a-bitch' and started walking across the street to me.

"Are you stalking me now?!"

I had rolled down the window with my handy little power window button and proceeded to put the most innocent look on my face. Truthfully, I hadn't been stalking her until I noticed her, then I was. So I shook my head, because it was partially truthful. I only really stalked her in the house.

She rolled her eyes and turned back to look at 'Mr. I'm-a-closet-homosexual-who-uses-the-vacuum-attachment-on-my-dick' and waved.

"Do you need a ride back home?"

I wanted it to sound innocent and not like I was trying to give her poisoned candy, but it seemed to just come out sounding like I wanted to take her red cape and basket. She arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at me, shook the gazillion bracelets on her wrist and bit her lip. I wanted to tell her that I would happily bite her lip for her if she would only let me but I decided that was probably counter productive and stayed quiet.

"You're not going to try to see me naked again or lick me or anything are you?"

Fuck.

"No." Lying is fun.

She debated internally again and jogged back across the street to tell 'Mr. I'm-such-an-asshole-that-I-kill-kittens-and-then-spunk-on-them' something and to my utter delight he looked angry. She then turned and came back to the car and got in.

Suddenly, seeing her on the black leather seats made me wanna reach over and molest her instead of put her seat belt on, but I was a good boy and only strapped her in. She rolled her eyes and huffed.

"I could have gotten that on my own you know."

"But then I wouldn't have been able to make sure you were properly secured before we left."

And I wouldn't have been able to touch your hip. That luscious beautiful, magnificent, awe inspiring hip. Which was currently sequestered under the most erotic denim skirt I have ever seen. Her pink leggings and those ever present Keds taunted me. I pulled away from the curb and revved the engine past 'Mr. I-just-lost-the-chance-to-ogle-Bella-to-a-man-child-god.'

I tried to impress her with my driving skills but I was so distracted with her being _right there_ that I almost hit Mr. Newton's dog (thing was like 20 years old, it needed to die but my paint job would have never survived), almost took out a mailbox and almost ran two lights. Almost being the key word to all of those things, so don't look at me like I'm a delinquent who hates old mangy animals. Even if I am and do.

I cut the engine and sprinted to get her door for her. She ignored my hand to help her out of the car and went into the house. I followed her obediently because her knockers had an invisible choke chain on my balls. Once in the house, she noticed I was following her around and she turned to me in the kitchen, breathing heavily and squinting her eyes so hard I thought they were closed. She was still breathtaking. I mean, she could pull her mouth apart with her fingers, cross her eyes and pull up her nose and she would still be prettier than Miss America.

"Why?! Why wont you leave me alone!?"

I stood there watching her all worked up and huffing and of _course_ I had a stiffy but I ignored it because this was too important to mess up by talking with my schlong.

"I…well, I just wanted to…spend time with you?" Looking back on things, I shouldn't have put that influx on my voice at the end. It is not good to sound like you question wanting to spend time with a girl.

"You will never, ever, _ever_, see me naked again. EVER. So just stop. Leave me alone."

"Okay. I'll…go away then. I'm sorry. It's just that, you're so pretty and amazing and you're just so….I don't know. I really like you…I just wanted us to hang out. I'm sorry. I wont try to see you naked anymore and I'll leave you be."

She looked at me strangely for a moment and I felt the cold arms of depression surrounding me.

"Thank you…you mean it right? No more trying to see me naked?"

I nodded and turned to go to my room. I needed a pick me up spank. I needed to be alone with my cock. We were both upset.

**

I was so fucking upset that I had made her that promise. Monday was REM's _The One I Love _on repeat. I think I might have started out a little heavy with that one. Tuesday was Erasure's _The Innocents_…the whole album but mostly _When I Needed You_…cause I really needed Bella's nudity. Wednesday was a mix of Depeche Mode. Thursday was Peter Gabriel's _So_. And to top things off, Friday was Boy George's album Tense Nervous Headache. Because songs like _I Love You_ and _You Are My Heroin, What Becomes of the Brokenhearted, _and _Don't Cry_, all reminded me of the loss that is Bella's magical skin and intoxicating sex.

Saturday came bright and early and I stretched, still glum but knowing I couldn't mope around anymore. I walked out into the hallway and heard Bella in the shower…

No. No _fucking _way! I crept closer and sure enough…the door was open. Not like, wide ass open but it was cracked open and she was fucking showering! My inner monologue was going crazy telling me to run back to my room and keep my promise but my cock was yanking me forward…_hard._ And the only thing I could think was…she knows I'll be tempted. She's never left it open before…she _wants_ me to take a peek. So I did. I mean, I didn't move the door. That's like…not playing fair. But I did press my face into that crack and take a nice peek. And what a view. Technically, from my vantage point, I could only see the mirror and the toilet, but the mirror was reflecting the shower stall and oh my God in heaven with fat angel babies was that not the best view _ever._

Of course, it wasn't like, crystal clear clarity. Far from it. The door on the shower stall was that blurry, wavy glass that distorted a person's body, but you could see the outline. You could see the color of her peachy skin and the curve of her lower back flaring out into her ass, I could just barely make out the rosy pink nipples she was currently soaping up. Oh sweet mother of God, she was rubbing circles onto her fucking nipples now….and…and her hand was going down…wait, where are you going hand? Ooooooooh… oookaaay. Yeah, you go there, _do a little dance_…

I was watching with rapt attention to everything I could see and simultaneously listening for my parents or Alice but no one was making any noise. I couldn't help myself. I mean she was naked! She was naked and wet and touching herself. Well, she was washing her body but she was still touching herself, whether it was for dirty reasons or clean ones it was fucking hot. As I was saying, I couldn't help myself, I had to touch my dick. I had to. It was a crime not to take advantage of this. And she fucking _left_ the door ajar. She did that on purpose! I started out innocently, just rubbing my palm over the massive bulge. It was massive, like I could move boulders with this bulge. Seriously, von Rundstedt had nothing on me…_nothing._ (That's a small history lesson, look him up.) Then when she started to wash her hair, I actually shoved my hand down my pants and started to yank on it. It got progressively worse until my head was leaning against the door jamb and I was practically panting. Her legs would rub together occasionally and just as she bent over to wash her feet and shins, I shot my load. Good God she was fucking _stellar_ hot.

I backed away as she turned the water off and waddled to my room trying to contain the mess of jizz in my boxers and shut the door, stripping down and getting into my own shower before rubbing another one out. I have a very good imagination when I need it and at that moment the picture of Bella bending over in front of me, all warbled and distorted and just blurry was enough to get me going again.

By the time I was dressed and somewhat calmed, I had come to the conclusion that Bella did not want our little game to end. She wanted to tempt me. She wanted to be caught showering and naked. In order to confirm my suspicions, I set my alarm for 8:30 every morning and low and behold, every morning for another week the bathroom door was cracked.

I masturbated…a lot. I chaffed the hell out of my dick. I actually think I might have a callous on the head from so much rubbing. But in the end, it was worth it. It was worth the hallway jacking and the paranoia of getting caught. By that next Saturday, I was ready to up the ante.

She was in her room again, with Cyndi Lauper's _One Track Mind_ playing. Oh the irony. I knocked on her door and opened it quickly, not giving her time to answer. She was buttoning up a bright yellow vest over the tank top she wore and I drooled a little as she bent over to pick up her brush and I saw down her shirt.

"What, Edward?"

"I wanted to know if you were busy. We could play some board games, maybe watch some TV?"

"Why do you insist on bothering me? What is it you want? You said you would stop trying to see me naked."

Until you started leaving the door open you little minx.

"I'm not trying to see you naked…I just wanted to talk-"

"God! What is it with guys! I know what you're after! You can't just come back from college and expect to get whatever you want, Edward…"

By this point I was losing my mind. I had not actually gotten a clear view of her nakedness. I, Edward Cullen, had stooped to voyeurism, stalking, lurking, and begging. I had _never_ had to chase after a girl (didn't matter if I never did anything with them) and this girl…this woman, who had been under my goddamn nose for practically half my life was turning me down before ever giving me a chance. I was getting pissed.

"You know what?! Fine! I'm sorry! I just wanted a chance! I saw a beautiful, amazing, goddess of a woman naked and it turned me on and then I wanted to get to know you. You're smart and funny and everyone loves you and I just wanted to have a chance! You think I like knowing this? The knowledge of what's under those fucking layers of clothing is slowly driving me mad! You think I like wanting you?! Does it seem like fun to spend your summer constantly being put down and ignored by the one person you want?! Well, I'm so sorry to put a cramp in your style, Bella! Just because you're pretty and sexy and perfect doesn't make it okay to make me feel like crap! With all that fucking shiny hair and your flawless skin and your perfect breasts and hips I wanna lick. It's not fucking fair! But of course, this isn't your fault, it's my fault! Well…I'm sorry!"

And with that I turned to leave but only made it to the hallway before turning around barging back into her room.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I really like you, in fact the other day I realized I'm in love with you and I don't just wanna see you naked. I mean I do wanna see you naked, just, well, that's not all I wanna do. I wanna do a lot of things to you…I mean _with _you. I wanna do a lot of things _with _you_._ And I want to get to know you and be with you. I'm sorry. I'll go now."

I looked at her and she was still in the same spot as before, staring at her radio with a look of dismay on her face. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging open and she seemed utterly shocked by something. I walked to her and took her shoulders in my hands, concerned with her catatonic state.

"Are you okay? What's wrong? Bella! Say something!" I shook her a little and tried not to get excited from the way her boobies jiggled but it was kind of hard since I was already well…hard.

"Do you…do you mean all that?"

"What? Yes! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

"No, the other part…the part before…you think you love me?"

"Well…yeah."

"But you don't even know me…"

"But I want to! I want to hang out! I mean, I want a lot of things…but I just want to get to know you!"

She got all teary eyed and started to sniffle and I backed away because the last time a girl that was not related to me cried, I got punished.

She wiped her face and then furrowed those angelic brows before looking at me like I might have killed a puppy.

"Are you just saying this cause you want to see me naked? Are you lying?"

"No, I swear! Not lying! Promise! I really think all those things. You're gorgeous! And that's not the only reason I want to get to know you. I think you're smart and funny and just fucking perfect. Sorry, I didn't mean to curse."

She giggled and curled her hair around her finger, and I think my chest might have done this weird squeezing thing where her cuteness almost gave me heart failure. I realized that my compliments were getting to her. Had no one ever told her how amazing she was before? What blasphemy is this? I could totally be all love poet and gushy if that's what she wanted. I could hold boom-boxes up to windows and make mixed tapes all about love and bunnies and cuddling and shit. I could woo her that way if that's what would get me into her bed…heart. Heart! Her heart!

Fuck.

"Bella, I have never seen a woman as amazing as you. I have never before seen someone so perfect and just…stunning before. You are so beautiful, you have no idea. I just want to have a chance. Please? Just give me a chance? I know I'm not perfect but I want to get to know you and I want to have the chance to make you happy."

Okay, that's a lie, _I am perfect _but this was working to my advantage. One little lie wouldn't hurt right? And I did want a chance, I wanted to get to know her and I wanted to make her happy but I wanted the boom-boom too. It was just expected to want that.

She looked thoughtful and while she was pondering my request, I started to shuffle closer while she was distracted until I was standing right in front of her and I bent my head down to kiss her neck again, because she had her hair up and her neck was basically _begging_ for some one-on-one time. She tastes like happiness and rainbows, butterflies and sunshine, and just…joy. She was warm and soft and pretty and girly. I fuckin' loved it.

"Stop, Edward." But her voice was weak and she moved her neck so I could get to more skin.

"Really, I mean it, stop." But her hands grabbed my arms in a vice grip. So, I sucked her ear into my mouth thinking more or less that I wanted to just eat her. She moaned and I felt her knee bump mine as she rubbed her thighs together. I was trying not to rub my woody on her but it was hard not to. (Pun intended)

I backed her up until she was against the wall and, to my knowledge, until she could feel my gigantic love stick mashed into her stomach. My hands went into that soft hair. Bella's hair was like silk whereas other women's hair was straw. Her skin was like ivory where other women felt like sandpaper. She was like a…well…a swan amongst ducks. She was the fudge on ice cream, the prize in the box of stale crackerjacks. Like…like designer clothes versus off-brand. She was Thundercats versus Smurfs. She was mind-boggling in her perfection. And she was perfect in every conceivable way. And for the moment, she was all fucking mine.

I let go of my inhibitions then and just started to grind into her. Okay, so I basically dry humped her but grinding sounds a little better. Before I knew it, I had somehow managed to work up enough balls to kiss her. Or maybe the poison of her skin scrambled my mind so hard that I had no idea what I was doing. And at first, she started to make this muffled screaming sound and tried to push me away. But I had her face in a death grip, her cheeks all pressed together and her ears beneath my fingertips. I would talk about the way her ears were bonetastic but right now that's not as important as what happened next. Once her mumbling protests died down, she kissed me back. Not only that but she actually put _her_ tongue in _my_ mouth.

Again, I was a virgin. No girls, no kissing, no touching, nothing. I looked at my mags and I jacked off. That was it. So the thought that a tongue was supposed to go in my mouth and not on my cock was weird but I liked it, so I let her and I even put my tongue in her mouth some. I do know now though that that's what french kissing is like, so shut the fuck up and don't try to explain it to me. Would have been helpful then, but not now.

So we made out. She scratched my head and my neck and my back and it stung like a bitch and I should have been pissed that she was technically ruining a masterpiece but meh, whatever. It was hot. I managed to part her legs and get a knee between them and then hump…I mean grind on her some more. Before long she was wiggling that beautiful (bare beneath her jeans) crotch on my thigh. The upside: Bella was into me. The downside: I blew my load.

You would think after weeks of spanking the monkey outside the bathroom to her blurry nekkedness and then another couple of rounds afterwards, then a few more after lunch, then one or two after dinner I would be running out of spunk or at least ruining my sperm count. No, apparently when you're a man-child god, you have _tons_ of spunk.

I really didn't want to pull whatever wool I had over Bella's eyes off her but shit, I had to clean myself up before I started to seep through my pants and then she _really_ started to rethink this whole thing so I backed off and kinda spread my legs a little like a cowboy with saddle sore. She looked at me all breathless with swollen lips and flush cheeks, chest heaving and busting out of that tight vest…Jesus, I might have come a little more. It was sticky and uncomfortable but when you just jizzed from the hottest woman on the planet, it's really not that bad.

"We should uh…slow down. I think…I mean, you're…that was awesome…I need to clean my cock."

And with that little bit of word vomit, I bolted into my room and slammed into the bathroom, locking the door and peeling off my clothes so fast I almost asphyxiated myself on my shirt. Jumping into the shower, I did everything I could think of to make myself smell all good and manly before drying off and dressing in my responsible and very WASPish looking khaki's and a nice baby blue Polo shirt 'cause it really sets off my red hair and pale skin. It also brings out the green in my eyes and enhances my pecs. Don't fucking make fun of me for knowing that. Fashion is very important in wooing. _Knowing_ what works for you is the only way you can maintain being a universal life force. I'm really starting to think with all the laughing and snorting you got going on you don't wanna know what happens in my amazingly interesting and awesome story. Maybe I should just stop here? Shit, you know I won't. I love the attention.

So as I was going on before, I was looking more than flawless when I strolled back into Bella's room and we began to talk. Random bits of amazing came from both of us. I learned her favorite everything's and in turn she learned all mine. I remember everything about Bella. I have a limitless memory and when it comes to things that make me and my private parts happy, I have a tendency to remember them. Like for example, the May issue of Playboy 1986, page 34 has really nice pullout that I can _always, without fail,_ blow my load to. I could describe in detail all the other pages in each issue but that's not what this story is about, so I won't. Unless you want me to…no? Fine.

So, this little dance went on for weeks. I was feeling bleak again at the fact that I had yet to see any nakedness but the fact that I got to make out with her fucktons and she let me touch her boombaski's (over the shirt) was really awesome. Alice was still scarce from the house, _thank God._ My parents were all wrapped up in themselves and some new vacation house they bought. I still never got the hooker party but at least mom bought more toilet paper. Dad talked to me_ once_ and then was again always at the hospital. Which I thought was weird cause I didn't actually think that many people in Forks needed work done on their heart but whatever.

Then, one magical night, my entire world changed. Angels sang, the heavens opened with beams of gold light. I saw Bella naked again. But wait, that's not the best part. She let me touch her naked. But wait again, _that's_ not the best part. The best part, you're going to love this, I know I do. I got to _boink_ Bella. She let me put my cock in her pussy! I know, I know!

Before you start getting all bent out of shape for how crass that sounds, that's exactly what happened. So fuck off, if it's not exactly what you wanted to hear.

Ugh, fine! I'll explain better.

I was sitting in Bella's room, minding my own business…okay, so not really. I was making out with her, laying between her legs and again dry humping…shit, _grinding_ into her. To get the full effect, I gotta tell you what she was wearing. I pretty much had to physically squeeze the life out of my cock to keep it from coming when I saw her, just to let you know. She had on this black off the shoulder shirt and a huge white belt over it. The shirt was kinda like a dress too, because it was tight and long, but only went to her thighs and those hot pink tights were on her, the same ones from the day she rode home with me. And fuck my life to hell, she had on baby blue leg warmers and these heels that I didn't even know she could function in much less consider purchasing. I was a fuckin' goner.

Yeah, so back to what was happening, we were kissing and she pulls away and says…get this:

"I wanna go all the way with you," All breathless and sex kitten and minxy hotness.

What did I say?

"Uuuuung okay, thank you." And don't even _try_ to make fun of that because I know Bella, you don't and that's exactly what she wanted to hear. She thought that was romantic shit. She's so perfect that she understands that even with my divine powers sometimes gods are entranced with other celestial beings and might not be quite as coherent or verbally responsive as they should be.

So she sits up and does this really sexy and utterly boner worthy move where she takes her bra off under her shirt and flings it to the side. Then she grins all evilly and says… I shit you not, she actually said this:

"You wanna see me naked right? Come on Edward, take it off me." And gestures to the 'gasm causing clothing she's wearing.

I shut my eyes tightly for a moment and said a little prayer to myself before grabbing that white belt and pulling off her. Then the heels, then the leg warmers, then she yanked all her jewelry off herself. I slipped my hands under her shirt/dress and pulled those tights off. I mean, this is scientific undressing. It's like the unwrapping gifts at Christmas, you have to come at the package with the best trajectory and angle to get maximum impact on the ocular nerves.

Now the only thing she was wearing was the shirt/dress and I was panting and drooling so hard I didn't know if I could muster enough brain cells to figure out how to get the thing off her without just ripping it like paper. She giggled and flushed pink and even more of my blood rushed down south leaving me a hair above incapacitated. I think I was sexy when I winked at her…but it could have looked like a nervous twitch or like I just shoved a fork in a light socket. Whatever.

The shirt/dress came off. And I really did jizzum a little. I felt it. Let's call it precum and not jizzum. Cause with all the practice I had, I could go on forever really and the first shot off was just a warm up. What caused me to pop one off? Of course she was naked and really, that's enough but she wasn't wearing any panties. This whole time she wasn't wearing panties. Jesus Almighty!

Before anything else could happen I jumped up and stripped, again almost choking myself on my shirt cause I really wanted to be _inside_ her and then hopped back into the bed with her.

"Have you ever…"

"No, have you?"

"No."

She didn't seem to believe me so I winked again, and settled between her legs. I groaned when I felt how wet she was and she sighed as our nibbly bits came into contact. She reached over and grabbed a condom out of her nightstand and I winced a little knowing there would be no bareback action but fuck it, there was the next time. She handed me the foil packet like I knew what to do with it and I looked over the tiny package for instructions before realizing there weren't any. Confused I tore it open and unrolled it, which was my first mistake, then I tried to pull it on and it kinda looked like a sock that wouldn't go on your foot all the way. Bella brassily grabbed a hold of my joy stick and started to basically jack me off, trying to rub the rubber down. It got there and the little nipple top that's supposed to hold all my come looked comical in its inadequacy. I was going to make a lot more spunk than that little reservoir could hold that was for sure.

After about ten minutes of kissing, rubbing and licking, finally I started to push into her. I was trying so hard not to just fucking _plow_ but eventually she loosened up and smiled and I started in on the first pussy I had ever fucked (and as of current date, the only one). I want to say it lasted hours upon hours but really I lasted like…_maybe_ ten minutes. But before you judge, we did it like five times before she said she was sore and I'm pretty sure she only faked one of the three orgasms she had. So, yeah, see, I'm pretty rad if I do say so myself. The feeling of being inside Bella is not one I would be able to explain to any mere mortal. The slickness, the softness, the wetness. Jesus, the wetness was extreme. She was just as into all this as I was. I'm sure there weren't any actual angels with harps or pots of gold springing up, but in my mind I know they were there.

There's a fuckton more to this story but as of now, that's it. Yep. That is the story of how Edward Cullen (that's me, wink) met the amazing Isabella Swan. Hope you enjoyed the story as much as I did. Just a little info, while I was telling you all this I think I jerked it like twelve times. She gets me _that_ hot.

But in summary: I came, I saw, I conquered. Then I came some more.

The End.

* * *

AN:

I wanna give a HUGE thanks to Cheddah for beta'ing this at the eleventh hour when she was exhausted. Thank you to Dawn and Lucy who both helped me with this as well by reading it over and encouraging me to finish.

I borrowed 'Edward Fucking Cullen' from OHL.;) hope you don't mind bb! It wasn't mediocre was it?

Also, I swear that in Word it says this whole thing is 12,160 words. I dont know why FFn says its 13K


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